How I Became a Pirate

(Yet, more proof, that I cannot take a normal picture. Meh.)

It all started with hot wings.

Stupid, delicious hot wings.

Alma was in charge of making hot wings for his work party this week.
That means, I was in charge of buying supplies for a test batch (because I have a thing for hot wings....stupid, delicious hot wings...which means a "test batch" of the new recipe Alma had was essential to the party preparations).

So, off the the grocery store I go.
Bags loaded in the back of the SUV, I pulled into the driveway and heard the bags shift.
Still not thinking (mostly due to lack of sleep and nerves over a meeting I had that night), I opened the back of the SUV and...


CRASH.


Out rolls the glass bottle of Red's Hot Sauce....all over the driveway...and my legs...and my shoes.

Great.

In an effort to not pop the tires on all of our cars, I start picking up the glass out of the red hot sauce mess. This means my hands are now covered in hot sauce as well.

Glass picked up, I look at the mess on the driveway and realize it looks a little bit like a crime scene....
luckily it started raining and mother nature became my driveway cleaner.
Yes.

With time ticking, I ran to pick up Bella from school without fully washing my hands.
From school...we went to my least favorite place in the world...Jiffy Lube.
This particular Jiffy lube is slow, but it was for a secret shop assignment, so off I went.

While my kids ran around the waiting room, fully annoying the elderly man trying to nap in the corner, my eye began to itch...
so I rubbed it.

I rubbed my eyeball for a good 5 seconds.

And then it started.

That burning feeling.

What the?!?!

Oh yeah....remember the hot sauce?
I looked at my hand, and on my middle and pointer fingers were the slightest trace of orange glow.
The leftovers from my Red's Hot Sauce driveway massacre.

And now, those remnants of hot sauce were swirling around in my little eyeball....starting a fiery party on my cornea.

It felt....well...spicy.

My eye starts to water, and like an idiot, I rub it...with the same stinking hand!
Really!!!???
Really.

At this point I'm thinking my eyeball might be in a bit of trouble, but I don't want to start a commotion, so I keep it closed and let it water like Niagara falls.

My kids look at my with an odd smirk and I realize I look a bit crazy.
Sitting in my workout clothes, shoes stained with hot sauce, one eye closed....squinted tightly shut...and watering...something like a sad pirate.

The Jiffy Lube tech wants to review my "manufacturers recommendations"...and I just look at him with my one good eyeball like "really...there are only 2 people here, I've been waiting 50 minutes...and my eyeball is on fire....really?".

But, like a good little customer, I smile and review all the things I will tell them not to do to my car...
pirate eye and all.

We finally checked out, and as I loaded my kids in the car, I realized my eye had stopped watering.

We pulled out of the parking lot, and I dared open my eye for the first time in 15 minutes.
And guess what...it was "Arggghh-right" (sorry..coudlnt' help myself).
I could see!

So, the lesson I learned from all this?
1. Don't put glass bottles of hot sauce in the back of the SUV.

2. Wash your hands THOROUGHLY after handling hot sauce.

3. Don't rub your eyes...twice...if you happen to have hot sauce on them (like that's a no brainer)...because wings are good....but looking like a pirate is not!